25

Last week I turned 25.  It seems like a rather monumental birthday, if only because I can FINALLY rent a car.  I made sure to celebrate in style, with lots of good food, friends and fun.  D and I had dinner at a favourite Thai restaurant in Seoul, then we joined some friends for drinks and cake (and party hats!) at a relaxed bar, and ended the night at a basement place called "Reggae Bar" that felt exactly like someone's hippy living room.  It was wonderful.  I decided I would like to have a picnic the next day, so we made our way to the only real park I've ever come across in Seoul and made an afternoon of it, complete with cupcakes, brie, baguettes, and frisbee. Here are some pictures.  Only this year did it occur to me that I've had a picnic on every one of my last 5 birthdays.  I started a tradition without even realizing, but I fully intend to continue it.

So, 25.  I feel like an official adult now, which feels both awesome and terrible.  I feel more in control of my life than I ever have before, but also much more responsible for my actions and decisions.  I love the freedom I have to live how I choose, but I feel the guilt that comes with it more now.  I've also never been so aware of how scary and dangerous the world is, though I feel like it is wide open for me (and others) to explore.

This year has been a test for me, but also an opportunity.  I don't think I would have come back to Korea if I had known that the tension between north and south would escalate so high this year.  It has caused me a lot of anxiety to be
living in North Korea's backyard, but it has tested my endurance and my strength of character to have stayed.  There is no way to know whether I will be in danger while I'm living here, but I'm proud of myself for dealing with the anxiety and being as responsible as I can be in this situation.  At the same time, this year back in Korea has given me the opportunity to achieve some of my goals.  I've had the time and money to finish two courses I needed to take.  I've had the great chance to meet and work with Korean and foreign artists, and I've been able to pay back my university debt.  It feels like my 25th was a very full year.

Looking toward my next year, my goals are not so clear.  There are certainly things I know I want to achieve in the next 3-5 years, but none of them seems particularly urgent.  I think it's a foregone conclusion that I want travel to remain a big part of my life.  Though it scares me a bit, I'm not sure I'll ever get over the need to explore and experience new places.  I'm also certain that I want art to become a bigger priority in my life, and that teaching has become important to me as well.  For the time being, I'm trying to take the societal pressure to achieve the expected standards off of myself.  All I want at 25 is to have purpose and balance in whatever I'm doing.